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Showing posts from 2016


I'm 35 years old. I've lived in five states, in 11 different apartments in the past 10 years. With roommates and by myself. 
And I've never felt more alone then I do right now.


So a couple weeks ago I went out to Denver for the twins' double mastectomy and reconstruction. And ever since then she has been asking me when am I going to blog about my trip lol. 
But it was...a lot. And I hate to say that bc I'm not the one who is going through it. She's being so strong. Stronger than I would ever/could ever be. 
I got in Tuesday night and we went straight to dinner bc everyone was hungry. It was a restaurant right near her apartment with ridiculous happy hour/late night happy hour specials. The food was really good and we all had a drink. 
We had to be up relatively early and at the hospital I think by 7:00am it was. She got checked in, they objected her with some stuff, the doctors came by and before I knew it, they were wheeling her away. 
The first portion of the surgery went way quicker than they predicted and Mom and I were still at lunch when they were done. But she was still in there with the plastic surgeon. We hurried back to the hospital an…

Running Rut

So I have this race coming up. A half marathon on October 30th. It's a race put on by Luke's Locker among other people and I am a part of Team Lukes. I have to run well. And to run well I also have to, well, run.

I just haven't been feeling it. I sat down and wrote out a training plan at the beginning of August. And I haven't followed it since the first week. I'm still running, kind of, but I've all but stopped going to yoga. And I've come to realize that I really need the yoga in order to loosen up and not be tight on my runs. 

For the last year, I've been doing hot yoga pretty regularly - several times a week. And my running has been great. Eight minute pace had been comfortable. July 24th was the last day I really went to yoga. I went a solid eight weeks with zero classes and noticed a serious decline in how good I felt on runs. 

I just. I haven't wanted to run or go to yoga or do much of anything. 

So now I have 22 days to try and get ready for this…

Handling stress

How do you handle stressful situations in your life?

I know I haven't been handling things too well these past few weeks/months. But. But I thought I was doing ok.

However with twins' surgery date approaching, I've realized that I have basically been in complete denial. 
She made her surgical decision a few weeks ago - double mastectomy with reconstruction. Her surgery date is next Wednesay, September 21. Mom and I are gonna fly out next Tuesday to be there. 
I'm ecstatic that I will get to see her, I haven't seen her since her diagnosis. But I wish...that I wasn't going. That I didn't have to go. Or that it was under different/better circumstances. 
I'll see her blog or an Instagram post and it's like I can't breathe. My hands start to tingle and shake. The feeling spreads up my arms and my heart beats so fast I can practically hear it. The room feels like it's closing in on me. Sometimes it only lasts a few minutes, sometimes much longer. 

Here's the deal

I'm tired of being the wallflower. The pushover. The one who always caves or doesn't speak up bc she doesn't want anyone to be mad at her.

It shouldn't have to be that way. 
I recently lost two friends over some petty bullshit. I repeated something I was told in confidence bc it had a pretty big impact on another friends life. Was the confidence the truth or a lie to make me feel better? Who knows. Am I sorry they got mad at me? Absolutely. Would I do it again? In a New York minute. You know what the kicker is? They told this same person something I said in confidence a few months prior. But here's the difference. I owned what I said and everybody moved on. 
Fast forward to this past weekend and we all ended up at the same dinner. To say it was awkward for me would be an understatement. I ended up seated right next to them and tried to make conversation throughout the night to no avail. They wanted nothing to do with me. And that's fine. But we're here cele…

I've Done It Again

Moved, that is. Fourth apartment in four years. At least I stayed in the last one for two!

My last place and my new place are night and day different. Last was old, carpeted, no washer/dryer. New is really new, polished concrete floors, stackable washer/dryer, amazing and large bathroom, stainless appliances, open kitchen. Yes, it's smaller and I will have to get rid of my couches...and prob cut back on spending in other areas. But. I. Love. It.

Mom came in for the move. She had been saying she was going to visit for the last year-and-a-half and it just worked out that she would be here for my move. We were supposed to fly to Denver together after, but twin's surgery date got moved.

I know I've got a lot to catch up on, it's been so long since I've blogged. But with everything going on right now, I just haven't been in the mood. And I'm still not. Mom's visit was great. We got along, we didn't kill each other and I was sad to see her go.

Here are s…

Running lately

I haven't been keeping up with too much lately. I've been running a few days a week, but nothing consistent. And I've def been slacking on yoga, I haven't been probably about 10 days at this point.

But I think I'm going to train for Luke's Half Marathon that's at the end of October so it's prob time to start thinking about what a training plan should look like.

I can't remember the last time I followed a program to completion, which means its been too long.

I loved the program I used in Indianapolis through Bob Kennedy's running store, so I think I will manipulate that to fit my time schedule. There are just over 12 weeks until the race. It's time to get moving. 


Do you get annual checkups and/or regularly give yourself self exams? No? Me neither. But we should.
No, I don't have cancer. But the twin does. And so does Aunt S. 

Let's start at the beginning. 
Just over six weeks ago Aunt S was diagnosed with cancer. The much simplified version says - She had been feeling pretty run down ever since she had pneumonia late in the winter. She kept feeling like there was something stuck in her throat. But multiple doctors told her not to worry. Finally she'd had enough and when she went back again they scoped her throat and could see a mass attached to her uvula I think. There's so much more to it, I've just blocked it all out, but she was then diagnosed with cancer. Shortly after she had exploratory surgery to see if they could remove dice. She ended up cutting a Sedona vacation short to start treatment early. Five radiation treatments and one chemo treatment per week. 
The twin went home to visit Aunt S over the fourth a…

It's that time again

I'm moving! I signed a new lease, in a new complex.

And I. Cannot. Wait. To. Move.

It's so pretty. And new. And in the loop. And I get free movers!

Concrete floors. A washer/dryer. An amazing pool area with two gas grills. I. Am. In.

Can I move in this weekend?