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Showing posts from September, 2016

Handling stress

How do you handle stressful situations in your life?

I know I haven't been handling things too well these past few weeks/months. But. But I thought I was doing ok.

However with twins' surgery date approaching, I've realized that I have basically been in complete denial. 
She made her surgical decision a few weeks ago - double mastectomy with reconstruction. Her surgery date is next Wednesay, September 21. Mom and I are gonna fly out next Tuesday to be there. 
I'm ecstatic that I will get to see her, I haven't seen her since her diagnosis. But I wish...that I wasn't going. That I didn't have to go. Or that it was under different/better circumstances. 
I'll see her blog or an Instagram post and it's like I can't breathe. My hands start to tingle and shake. The feeling spreads up my arms and my heart beats so fast I can practically hear it. The room feels like it's closing in on me. Sometimes it only lasts a few minutes, sometimes much longer. 

Here's the deal

I'm tired of being the wallflower. The pushover. The one who always caves or doesn't speak up bc she doesn't want anyone to be mad at her.

It shouldn't have to be that way. 
I recently lost two friends over some petty bullshit. I repeated something I was told in confidence bc it had a pretty big impact on another friends life. Was the confidence the truth or a lie to make me feel better? Who knows. Am I sorry they got mad at me? Absolutely. Would I do it again? In a New York minute. You know what the kicker is? They told this same person something I said in confidence a few months prior. But here's the difference. I owned what I said and everybody moved on. 
Fast forward to this past weekend and we all ended up at the same dinner. To say it was awkward for me would be an understatement. I ended up seated right next to them and tried to make conversation throughout the night to no avail. They wanted nothing to do with me. And that's fine. But we're here cele…

I've Done It Again

Moved, that is. Fourth apartment in four years. At least I stayed in the last one for two!

My last place and my new place are night and day different. Last was old, carpeted, no washer/dryer. New is really new, polished concrete floors, stackable washer/dryer, amazing and large bathroom, stainless appliances, open kitchen. Yes, it's smaller and I will have to get rid of my couches...and prob cut back on spending in other areas. But. I. Love. It.

Mom came in for the move. She had been saying she was going to visit for the last year-and-a-half and it just worked out that she would be here for my move. We were supposed to fly to Denver together after, but twin's surgery date got moved.

I know I've got a lot to catch up on, it's been so long since I've blogged. But with everything going on right now, I just haven't been in the mood. And I'm still not. Mom's visit was great. We got along, we didn't kill each other and I was sad to see her go.

Here are s…