I didn't do much this weekend, which is how I like it right now.
Friday night I was just hanging out when somebody knocked on my door. Talk about scaring the bejeezus out of somebody. I don't get unannounced visitors. But it was one of my neighbors I had told my story too and she was hanging out with some other neighbors and thought she would check in on me and see if I wanted to come over. It was very sweet and I told her next time bc it was already after 9:30pm and I had to get up oh, so early to run.
My alarm went off way too early on Saturday, but I pulled myself out of bed, got dressed and headed over to the park for my run. It was very dark when I left the house at 5:40am and I had immediate second thoughts about running. Maybe I should wait til it was out. Being alone in the dark makes me all kinds of nervous right now. But I was meeting E and our group so I kicked myself in the but and drove over to the park.
When I got to the park, I was more than a little nervous about this run. It was my first real run in almost three weeks and I was shooting for 12 miles. What is wrong with me? At 5:55am it was time to go. The first few miles didn't hurt that bad, but I tired quickly. Just past the halfway point I started to slow, but E was still feeling good and she dropped me. Minutes after this things deteriorated quickly. There were a few people from my group around, but it's not the same. The alonesness quickly crushed me and before I knew it tears were streaming down my face. Even now, as I write this, I'm surprised by the overwhelming emotion I felt. I really, really don't like to be alone when I'm outside right now. Inside, behind a locked door, I'm ok. I've never been that big on sharing my feelings, but with everything right now, that's all it's about lately. Does that make sense? I finished the last few miles as quickly as my body would let me and even took the short cut back to my car. I got a quick drink, then bolted for my car and the safety that I feel behind my locked apartment door.
The rest of the day was much less emotional. I had a lunch meeting with a volunteer...who brought her child. I think maybe a warning might have been appropriate, rather than just showing up with a four year old. But whatever. Later I just did some work and watched a lot of tv.
Finally on Sunday I could sleep in. And I had an appointment at 11:30 at the drybar. I am quickly becoming obsessed. But my mom's best friend had sent me a card (with a check bc she said with my luck the cash would get stolen!) and said to do something that would make me happy. So obviously I had to get a blowout. And I sent her a text/pic to let her know how grateful I was to her for thinking of me.
It was a mostly restful weekend. I just wish it had lasted a little longer.
Friday night I was just hanging out when somebody knocked on my door. Talk about scaring the bejeezus out of somebody. I don't get unannounced visitors. But it was one of my neighbors I had told my story too and she was hanging out with some other neighbors and thought she would check in on me and see if I wanted to come over. It was very sweet and I told her next time bc it was already after 9:30pm and I had to get up oh, so early to run.
My alarm went off way too early on Saturday, but I pulled myself out of bed, got dressed and headed over to the park for my run. It was very dark when I left the house at 5:40am and I had immediate second thoughts about running. Maybe I should wait til it was out. Being alone in the dark makes me all kinds of nervous right now. But I was meeting E and our group so I kicked myself in the but and drove over to the park.
When I got to the park, I was more than a little nervous about this run. It was my first real run in almost three weeks and I was shooting for 12 miles. What is wrong with me? At 5:55am it was time to go. The first few miles didn't hurt that bad, but I tired quickly. Just past the halfway point I started to slow, but E was still feeling good and she dropped me. Minutes after this things deteriorated quickly. There were a few people from my group around, but it's not the same. The alonesness quickly crushed me and before I knew it tears were streaming down my face. Even now, as I write this, I'm surprised by the overwhelming emotion I felt. I really, really don't like to be alone when I'm outside right now. Inside, behind a locked door, I'm ok. I've never been that big on sharing my feelings, but with everything right now, that's all it's about lately. Does that make sense? I finished the last few miles as quickly as my body would let me and even took the short cut back to my car. I got a quick drink, then bolted for my car and the safety that I feel behind my locked apartment door.
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| I have to hope that this is true. |
The rest of the day was much less emotional. I had a lunch meeting with a volunteer...who brought her child. I think maybe a warning might have been appropriate, rather than just showing up with a four year old. But whatever. Later I just did some work and watched a lot of tv.
Finally on Sunday I could sleep in. And I had an appointment at 11:30 at the drybar. I am quickly becoming obsessed. But my mom's best friend had sent me a card (with a check bc she said with my luck the cash would get stolen!) and said to do something that would make me happy. So obviously I had to get a blowout. And I sent her a text/pic to let her know how grateful I was to her for thinking of me.
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| My poor attempt at photoshopping out my messy apt in the background. |
It was a mostly restful weekend. I just wish it had lasted a little longer.
Things will get better as time passes. You will readjust to being alone outside and in the dark. :)
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